A shy guys tale episode 1 series premire.

This is the first episode of a shy guy's tale! enjoy.

Bowser: hello my new creation...
Ninja guy: where am i?
Bowser: You are my new creation Ninja guy. you have maxiumum power, speed, stamina, AND IQ
Ninja guy: So what?
Bowser: you are my ultimate creation! Mario damaged you in the process so it took me another month to make you.
Ninja guy: okay...
Bowser: your job is to make sure Mario and Luigi DON'T rescue Peach or get to me.
Ninja guy: Mario and Luigi?
Bowser: they SHOULD be in your memory i installed.
Ninja guy: yes i've seen them. so what am i to your plan master?
Bowser: YOU are my last line of defence. make sure mario and Luigi don't reach me.
Ninja Guy: okay...(this guy is a loonatic...)
Bowser: See HER?!(points to Peach)
Ninja Guy: she's HOT!
Bowser: Yes and while you hold off Mario and Luigi i'll install my mind control device so she'll Marry me!
Ninja Guy: alright. but since Mario and Peach are i nLOVE with each other-
Bowser: DON'T SAY HIS NAME!
Ninja Guy: alright gosh...
Alarm: MARIO AND LUIGI HAVE ENTERED THE CASTLE!!!!!
Bowser: that's my cue. Stay here and HOLD MARIO OFF!
Ninja guy: okay....
(Meanwhile at the castle entracne...)
Goomba: HERE THEY COME!
the door craashed open. Mario and Luigi burst in with Yoshi. Mario jumped on a Koopa and road off. Luigi hopped on Yoshi.
Koopa: DON'T LET THEM THROUGH! SEND THE FIRST WAVE!
Mario jumped off the shell letting it get 23 enemies. Luigi took his hammer and swung it while riding Yoshi. Then he threw it and yoshi turned it into an eggman and smashed it taking out too many people to count.
Paratroopa: SEND THE SECOND WAVE!
Mario took a fire flower and started send fire into the wave casueing panick.. Luigi hopped off Yoshi and spun around with his hammer the used his thunder power to make a thunder hammer casuing havoc.
(back in the lower level of the throne room)
Ninja Guy: HA! YA! WAH! man i love this sword. but this is boring when do i get to see some ACTION!
CRASH!
Mario: WHERE'S PEACH!?
Ninja Guy: oh hello Mario.
Luigi: um are YOU Bowser's last line of defence?
Yoshi: AHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Luigi: WAHAHAHAAA!
Ninja Guy: WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!
Mario: You're a shy guy. Shy guy's a are CRAP!
Ninja guy: HOW DARE YOU!?
Yoshi: alright let's get this over with.
Yoshi charged at Ninja guy but he doged and kicked Yosi's head.
Mario: That was lucky.
Luigi: i'm having second thoughts about this guy Mario.
Mario: Don't be a wimp Luigi a LOT of people can do that to Yoshi.
Yoshi: HEY!
Ninja Guy: Come on who's next?
Mario: ALRIGHT BRING IT ON!
Mario Luigi and Yoshi clashed with Ninja guy unaware of the power they are about to face.

Comments

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icefire23 2010-04-06 18:24:59

a perfect story Can't wat for more.

Kinsei 2010-04-06 20:30:33

story = fail..
needs more boobies

Danny88 2010-04-06 20:33:41

EPIC FAIL.

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 20:33:41

if you don't like shy guys then DON'T read this story!

Kinsei 2010-04-06 20:39:10

there was shyguys in the story?!?!
when was this ?

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 20:39:10

the dudes name is NINJA GUY!

Danny88 2010-04-06 20:40:45

I'm just saying, it's fucking retarded.

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 20:40:45

then don't comment or read.

Kinsei 2010-04-06 20:43:15

I didn't see no fucking shy guys!

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 20:43:15

ninja guy is a name for a shy guy. plus Mario metions it.

Kinsei 2010-04-06 20:45:57

I want the 5 minuets of my life back that it took me to read threw this drivel!!!

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 20:45:57

okay get them back.

Danny88 2010-04-06 20:50:50

My friend Kinsei is right, I want the damn 5 minutes of my life that were robbed of me whilst reading this faggotry you call a STORY.

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 20:50:50

get them back if you want them.

bigjonny13 2010-04-06 21:10:22

I read this story. It's terribly flawed with plot holes, improper spelling and bad grammar.

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 21:10:22

oh well. i'll fill in the holes later. and i don't care about the grammer and spelling.

Danny88 2010-04-06 21:18:53

Gtfo.

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 21:18:53

Gtfo you to.

Felis 2010-04-06 21:19:21

I suggest that you describe the scene in your writing. It helps.

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 21:19:21

thanks i'll do that in the next episode.

Tomlover22 2010-04-06 21:30:26

Hi! Danny88 again! Just saying that you should really leave NG just like how ice is leaving tomorrow. How about you join him!

And you should blow Wade for even letting you join this site.

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 21:30:26

grr...

Tomlover22 2010-04-06 21:32:45

You're a faggot, you should leave NG and never come back you cunt.

shyguydude1 2010-04-06 21:32:45

faggot means different.

sinfulwolf 2010-04-08 09:19:53

It's only dialogue. You don't even have it in quotations. Dialogue should read as such:

"ALRIGHT BRING IT ON!" Mario roared.

It reads better, brings the reader in more, and separates from the very little action you do have in the tale. You should also try describing the scenes rather than putting a quick scene change in brackets. Most of a story is in the actions rather than the dialogue, and you can even take out a lot of dialogue if you have good meat beyond that.